Bad Covers & Silly Titles III

There’s a bit more of an emphasis on silly, this month, which works for me because… silly is fun.

Silly Cover & Blurb He’s the new man from “O.R.G.Y.” which I somehow don’t think is an accidental acronym. Ted Mark actually wrote a whole series of books about “O.R.G.Y.”, the first of which is apparently titled The Man From O.R.G.Y., which features the tag-line “I’m a Sex Expert– among other things. If you’re squeamish, I’d better not tell you what O.R.G.Y. stands for…” There’s not a lot I can find out about this particular series, as it’s very far out of print. What I can find out about it is all from Fantastic Fiction. It’s clearly one of those old books which is long out of print, but which has such a silly name that it keeps popping up on the internet anyway. From Pop Sensation*?

Our next book is here because it is a picture of a hand on a butt. Or rather, it is a picture of a hand on the butt of a woman in white pants who is holding what I can only assume is a riding crop because this book is somehow about equestrians:

Set against the glorious Cotswold countryside and the playgrounds of the world, Jilly Cooper’s Rutshire chronicles, Riders, Rivals, Polo, The Man who made Husbands Jealous, Appassionata and Score!, offer an intoxicating blend of skulduggery, swooning romance, sexual adventure and hilarious high jinks.

Riders, the first and steamiest in the series, takes the lid off international show jumping, a sport where the brave horses are almost human, but the humans behave like animals.

The brooding hero, gypsy Jake Lovell, under whose magic hands the most difficult horse or woman becomes biddable, is driven to the top by his loathing of the beautiful bounder and darling of the show ring, Rupert Campbell-Black. Having filched each other’s horses, and fought and fornicated their way around the capitals of Europe, the feud between the two men finally erupts with devastating consequences at the Los Angeles Olympics.

From Fantastic Fiction.

Of course, there’s more.

Nine Kinds of Naked has a lawn gnome, a fly? and a very silly sounding title. It is an even crazier sounding book, actually:

Twenty-year-old drifter Diablo spies on Bridget Snapdragon, the pagan wife of a Normal, Ill., actuary, skinny dipping in her backyard creek. He is soon arrested, and while in jail, flips a playing card onto the back of a bee, setting in motion an atmospheric disturbance that begets the storm of the century. Meanwhile, a select group of misfits are unknowingly thrown into the storm’s path. There’s J.J. Speed, a priest turned special agent after becoming insane from celibacy; Elizabeth Wildhack, Bridget’s stripper daughter; Billy Pronto, a man who speaks in terms of the here and now only; and Clovis, a ninth-century serf, who, with the aid of gnomes, time-travels to Normal.


Next up, because this is simply not enough silliness for one post, we  have… a dude with lobster hands. I have to admit that I’m not really sure what exactly is supposed to be going on here, but regardless, it’s a dude in a business suit with lobster claws for hands. Apparently, it has something to do with a reality TV show and a small town, and a battle relating to the three-channels of the small town, but I can’t say I really get it. It’s definitely got a silly cover though. (And it might actually be passable, though it’s not my sort of book.)

Next: Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere which strikes me as shock-fiction. It’s a collection of three Novellas: Monster Cocks, Journey to the Center of Agnes Cuddlebottom, and Crazy Shitting Planet. Yes, it is freaking weird. Yes, it was written *just* for the shock value. No, I’m not really sure what to make of it except to suggest that you never bother to read it. Unless you’re into stories about giant penis monsters and adventuring in the butt of a prostitute. (Which I definitely am not). Another book by the same author (which seems just as awful in another way) is HELP! A Bear is Eating Me!.

Back to the less-shock-value-and-more-just-silly sort of books… It’s a crazy cover from a classic book, and it features a girl in a torn bathing suit being eaten by an octopus. Apparently, the “Spicy” part is the half naked girl on the cover, because when I looked for Spicy-Adventure Stories, I found several half-naked-girl-on-the-cover style books.

I think this might be a decent note to end on. Classic covers are pretty crazy, and can be really, really funny at times. I’ll try to come up with a few more novels which aren’t surreal “comedies” next time around, and come up with books that are a bit more commonly funny.

Have you come across any books with silly covers or titles recently?


* Apparently, it’s from a pretty cool paperback cover collection. I came across it while trying to find a cover image for Katie Mac’s Hard Day’s Knight.


Filed under Humor, Not a Book Review

13 responses to “Bad Covers & Silly Titles III

  1. Great post…I have a running email battle with one of my buyers…we see who can find the most outrageous book cover/title on Amazon. Rampaging has to be close to an all time best!


    • It started with this habit of mine of taking cellphone pictures of silly things and posting them to facebook. Then, it turned into a collection of weird books (from my days as a processing assistant at the library) and then it turned into a blog post that I try to do monthly.

      There are so many silly books out there with weird titles or covers…


  2. These are awesomely weird. How many do you have? I envision a great gallery of strangeness. “Spicy” + octopus is just making me chuckle.


    • I worked in a library as a processing assistant for 2 years, so… quite a few. “Pimps Up, Hos Down” is one of my favorites.


      • That title sounds very promising indeed. Man, in all those years of being around books, it was always “X:Y”, insert long boring title here. I’d much rather have been surrounded by books like these!


  3. ninakillham

    Great collection of weirdness. I loved this posting. Thanks so much for commenting on my blog. If you had a chance I would love you to review my book Believe Me (Penguin, 2009). It was released as an adult book but I think perhaps we should have gone YA. Would love your opinion. No problem if it doesn’t strike you as a match for you. Still enjoy your blog. all the best, Nina Killham


  4. The O.R.G.Y. book reminded me of my first job – I worked for this little used bookstore, and we had a bunch of books of that type. The series that I remember was “The Lady from L.U.S.T.”, which was the League of something Spies Something. I think it was a joke, but I never read one to find out.


    • I wonder if anyone’s written an O.R.G.Y. and L.U.S.T. crossover. If so, I’ll make a point of reviewing it. (I’m giggling to myself about it, having never read either of these)


  5. lol – some of these are priceless. I think the lobster hands are my favourite.


    • There’s a lot to be said for lobstery hands. In a pinstripe suit. In a book which is supposed to be about… reality television.

      That whole combination had me agog for at least a full minute after I located it.


  6. Bethany

    I think my favorite is Nine Kinds of Naked. What is even going on there? I love the O.R.G.Y one as well. Great silly titles this time around. 🙂


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